Wednesday, June 23, 2010

It Just Comes Naturally Now

Though for most of my adult life I wasn't sure I even wanted to be a mother, save for a short time in my early twenties, which my husband (then-fiancé) salved with a tiny pitbull puppy I named Ava. Parenthood seemed so unglamourous, and for the most part, it is. Tonight, I walk through our creaking old farmhouse and glance in a bubbly mirror as I pass by and see myself with an infant on my hip, my face looking content and comfortable, and I am glad that I went for it, happy that we've been so fortunate, and constantly amazed that something so commonplace is extraordinary to me.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

At 2:00 am...

She's sleeping, with her lips pursed just the way I did when I was tiny. I pick her up and she arches her back, stretching. Her hair stands straight out from the back of her head in little wisps that make my chest ache. I think of her brother, when he would finish nursing with a startled, scrunched face and disheveled hair, looking like vintage Jack Nicholson. That old joke about how we begin and end life in diapers. Reminders of mortality in small moments. I think maybe this is something like how she will look when she is old, and I realize with a pang that I won't live to see that. I hope whoever does will
see just how beautiful she is.

Things That Make Me Happy

1.  A smiling baby face 2 inches from my own when I wake in the morning.
2.  A little boy flexing his muscles in an inflatable pool.
3.  My husband making woo-hoo noises at me when I change into my pajamas.
4.  Raw cookie dough.
5.  Reading a new book late at night.
6.  Rereading an old book and being surprised by things I've forgotten.
7.  Looking for treasures in a thrift shop.
8.  People who laugh loudly and without inhibition.
9.  The scent of lilacs.
10.  Donating money to the causes that are most important to me.
11.  Dreaming about realistic goals, such as owning a small, crumbly house in my favorite village in Greece.
12.  Dreaming unrealistically, such as playing Penelope Cruz's role in "Nine".
13. Sleeping late.
14. Buying apple butter from a roadside stand at an Amish farm.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Things My Son Has Said (And I Found Amusing)

1.  Mama, you are splendid.
2.  You're a genius, Mom!  (in response to a very minor fix to one of his toys)
3.  Mom, when the baby goes back in your belly, we can go for a bike ride.
4.  Jackson and I both drink dog water.