It Just Comes Naturally Now

Though for most of my adult life I wasn't sure I even wanted to be a mother, save for a short time in my early twenties, which my husband (then-fiancé) salved with a tiny pitbull puppy I named Ava. Parenthood seemed so unglamourous, and for the most part, it is. Tonight, I walk through our creaking old farmhouse and glance in a bubbly mirror as I pass by and see myself with an infant on my hip, my face looking content and comfortable, and I am glad that I went for it, happy that we've been so fortunate, and constantly amazed that something so commonplace is extraordinary to me.

At 2:00 am...

She's sleeping, with her lips pursed just the way I did when I was tiny. I pick her up and she arches her back, stretching. Her hair stands straight out from the back of her head in little wisps that make my chest ache. I think of her brother, when he would finish nursing with a startled, scrunched face and disheveled hair, looking like vintage Jack Nicholson. That old joke about how we begin and end life in diapers. Reminders of mortality in small moments. I think maybe this is something like how she will look when she is old, and I realize with a pang that I won't live to see that. I hope whoever does will
see just how beautiful she is.

Nursery Before and After

We bought our 1870's farmhouse two years ago, loving all of the details: the beautiful crown molding in the living room, the carved oak leaves on the fireplace in the library (a library!), and the fountains in the yard. So much so that I was able to delude myself into thinking it would be no problem to deal with the acres of wallpaper that cover every wall surface, including the insides of the closets, or the circa 1973 carpeting that hid the pine plank flooring upstairs.

The first room I tackled was the nursery. The wallpaper was extremely difficult to remove, and I spent weeks soaking the walls and scraping off the paper, piece by piece. I left the carpet on the floor while I worked, and after I had painted the room pear green, my husband and I tore out the carpeting, he sanded the floors lightly with a rented orbital sander, and I applied several layers of glossy polyurethane.

Gloss because it's easy to clean, wears longer than satin, and because I like the brightness of the light reflecting off the floor. Light dies in matte surfaces, which is one of the (many) reasons I dislike wall-to-wall carpet. That, and the chocolate-milky water you get after you shampoo it, even if it looks clean.

I'm happy with the room now, which is bright and cheerful. Also, the color is easy enough to work with when we decide to change the room for another use.